As I sit here looking out a large picture window into the doldrums (I love that word) of winter a thought occurred to me. I was thinking back on all the other winter breaks of my life and what I used to do with my time off from school. Anxiously wait for school to commence is not one of the thoughts that frequent my memory bank. When I was really young we had a giant snow hill in the backyard that, as a ten year old, seemed akin to Mt. Rainier. It wasn’t, but it did provide for hours of sledding, snow surfing (I invented snowboarding), and tunnel building/spelunking (I did not invent spelunking). Another way that I’ve spent time waiting for classes to start was by dating girls. With only a few (2) exceptions I have exclusively dated in the winter months. This goes all the way back to the seventh grade and I just realized it.
I remember in first grade having a real affinity towards a girl named Tricia. Tricia was easily the prettiest girl in first grade and all the boys liked her. Even that obnoxious kid, Chad – I never cared much for Chad. Actually that’s not completely true. I went to his house once and had a great time, but when I found out he also liked Tricia, he became my nemesis. Anyway, I think I liked Tricia all year long, but the first girl I actually dated (if you want to call it that) was April. April and I became an item when I was in seventh grade and she was in eighth. At the time, she was a hot commodity; I think all the guys liked her. Well, I got to hold hands with her at basketball games and I was the one she sat next to at lunch. Ha! I remember the first day of our official “dating session.” April showed up to school wearing a really great Winona State sweatshirt with dark grey corduroy pants – she looked good. I was probably wearing a Nick Van Exel jersey as I was a huge NBA enthusiast in seventh grade. Anyway, that courtship lasted until the end of our basketball season and she started dating Zach, the hockey player. Evidently my stock dropped and his rose due to the fact that hockey season was still going on. Thus, Zach, my former ally, also became my new nemesis. The Beatles were my favorite band at the time and the opening line to “Norwegian Wood” spoke the story of my wintery seventh grade life – “I once had a girl, or should I say, she once had me.” April was the only girl that I dated until I was a junior in high school.
In the winter of my junior year I got kicked out of basketball practice. You see, I didn’t care for my coach and I had a particular way of showing it. I may have been a little bit mouthy and a tad bit disrespectful in high school. That didn’t always (ever) serve me well. However, on this one occasion when I was politely asked to leave practice, I ran into this charming and delightful young lady in the hallway whom I would like for years to come. I saw my friend, Rachel, sitting on a bench in the commons area and asked her if she needed a ride home. I was friends with her brother too and knew where they lived. I gave Rachel a ride home and on the way I asked her if she would marry me. She looked at me oddly and I told her that maybe we could just date for a while and see what happens. I used to think I was very clever. We ended up dating through the winter and in the spring we broke up. She was and still is a great girl. The song that I most liken to that winter dating experience is Ben Fold Five, “Selfless Cold and Composed.” Rachel didn’t show much emotion.
This theme continued throughout high school and over the years that I now refer to as, “my adult life.” I started dating another April after football season the winter of my senior year but that lasted only a few weeks. Then, there was Emily. She and I started both of our unsuccessful dating adventures in the winter months and they both ended in the summer – the final being on June 26th 2006. The album that I listened to most when we ended our relationship was Ryan Adams’ “Jacksonville City Nights.” The line on the album that stands out most would be – “The engine turns on a dime, but I ain’t going nowhere tonight. I ain’t been going nowhere for quite a while.” I was used to be so maudlin.
I tried my hand dating my dear friend Amanda a few different times and I recall most of our relationships happening in the fall and winter months. I remember driving to visit her in Oshkosh in the winter and we went to an Iowa football game in the late fall. We talked for hours on the phone about my basketball coaching frustrations – those were always in the winter. But, we were inevitably unsuccessful; in the spring, we ended up deciding we were much better at being friends. Amanda is forever linked to numerous songs – Wilco’s “I am Trying to Break Your Heart” and “Hummingbird.” The Shins “New Slang.” And the final sappy entry into the Amanda musical catalogue being the entire Ryan Adams album – “Love is Hell.” With all the mawkish music I listen to it’s a wonder I don’t cry all the time.
Kathleen and I had a run over the winter and into the warmth of the year as well. Our first date was spent watching the first snowfall of the year while downtown. We actually made it into summer as I recall her attending some of my softball games and spending time together on the river. Kathleen is a lovely girl, but the relationship she had with her little white dog drove me near insanity. Anyway, we ended up breaking up in the fall because she hated that I worked so much and coached football – both of these things I felt should take priority over a relationship and that might be why I am not good at dating. I listened to a lot of Jack Johnson while dating Kathleen. So, I associate every one of his stupid songs with her. I no longer like Jack Johnson.
Since starting at Viterbo, I have been busy with school and other activities and haven’t really found a surplus of time to really date anyone. I figure Kathleen was probably right and if I am too busy to date someone I’m best off not dating at all. Thus, my last two winters have been devoid of any relationships. Actually, that’s not entirely true as I kind of had a relationship going over this winter, but that ended last week. She’s a nice girl, but doesn’t have any theme music – we weren’t together long enough to have any theme music.
Here’s the thing… dating is important. It’s good to meet people that you may spend the rest of your life with. And, there will be a number of people that one could date while in college. However, I feel that while in school there are myriad opportunities to meet and spend time with a lot of people. And that, to me, seems more important right now than dating any one person – unless, of course, she’s perfect; in which case I would probably date that person. I am terrible at being consistent with my decisions.
Viterbo University 